In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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