around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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