no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
