does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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