Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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