dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
