We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
