the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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