I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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