3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
