im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
