I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
