the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
