I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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