So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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