checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
