I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
