cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
