is your mom at the bar?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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