we have officially lost it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
