I cannot find my penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
