Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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