i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
