so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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