Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
