and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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