I wish I only lived at night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
