Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
