doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
