I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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