The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
