He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize