I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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