"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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