and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
