the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
