38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
