Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
