I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
