I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
