3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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