Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
