Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
there is puke in my bra ... again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
