ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
