wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
