you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
