dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
