someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
