i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
