Are we in a gay sports bar?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
