You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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