your thong is hanging out like whoa
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
