Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
