I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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