Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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