HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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