is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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