Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
