I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
