She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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