dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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