Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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