i need an iv and a liver transplant
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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