I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
