ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i've created a new STD.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
