If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
