Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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