we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
