Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
