I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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