I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
