My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
