Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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