don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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