Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Farmville is her only friend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
